


anxiety

by exiuo



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Aftercare, Anal Beads, Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Biting, Breathplay, Cock Rings, Come Eating, Crying, Dildos, Double Anal Penetration, Face-Fucking, Finger Sucking, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, M/M, Marking, Mild Blood, Name-Calling, Nude Photos, Overstimulation, Prostate Massage, Public Blow Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Humiliation, Rimming, Rope Bondage, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, Threesome - M/M/M, its a happy ending ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-28 22:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15716523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exiuo/pseuds/exiuo
Summary: I get this warm but scary feeling when I’m with you. My breaths are short, my heart beats faster, my hands start to sweat, I want to get high on shitty drugs or drink the most bitter alcohol. But I get anxiety when I’m not with you. I love you.





	anxiety

Xukun wandered tirelessly down a crowded hallway, his hand gripping his temple due to an aching headache and the smell of toxic smoke laced with alcohol didn’t soothe his troubles. He didn’t even know whose party this was, and he forgot who invited him to it too. All he ever wanted was to get drunk, forget his worthless life and have fun for fucking _once._ It worked, but when it began to wear off and he found himself in a crowd of sweaty people the excitement in him was gone. Xukun.. never found anything worth it in life. A job? Terrible establishments. Hanging out with friends daily? Not with the right people clearly besides one. Family? Fuck that. Love? Been there, done that. He wasn’t sure at what point everything went to crap, perhaps his last lover? Or was it all catastrophic before that? He couldn’t remember at a time like this. Why was he thinking of this? He just wanted to find a bed and sleep until he was kicked out the next morning.

The feeling of people groping his ass didn’t matter to him by now, or the slick hands on the back of his neck or on his chest. Why did it feel like a thousand eyes were on him, their hands swarming his body? It was getting too hot. So dizzy, way too hot..

Xukun slapped the hand away from his lower area, grunting as he nearly crashed into a lamp and set it back in its place. He finally managed to find the stairs, and nearly tripped on a few steps until he made it up. He opened a few doors, some were filled with people having sex or doing drugs they couldn’t do out in the open. For a second, he saw someone attractive and thought it wouldn’t hurt to get possibly poisoned by a drug or two. But the migraine said otherwise, or was it from his ass? Did he get fucked up already? And he couldn’t remember? Xukun didn’t care, he slammed the door and opened the next. Thankfully, it was quiet but there was already someone on the bed. He was asleep. Xukun looked back, up and down the hallway and sighed. It didn’t matter. It’s not like they were going to fuck. It was just a single bed they will be sharing.

He closed the door behind him and stumbled forward, then collapsed on the bed with a low groan. He heard the man next to him shift, he didn’t bother to lift his head to check if it was some creepy guy or something.

Xukun managed to sleep after a few seconds, when he woke up it was still night and the party was going on.

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What the hell? How long did he sleep?

When he tried to turn on his phone, he realized it was dead and sighed in frustration. He turned around to lay on his side until he came face to face with the man who now stared at him. Xukun was startled, yet didn’t make any sudden movements just in case it was some guy ready to take him on at any moment. He had to admit he was cute, and looked young, perhaps he wouldn’t mind it if he had a cigarette. Though, the guy seemed too innocent so Xukun didn’t try anything, he only sat up and put his back to him as he searched the bedside cabinet. It felt wrong to comment delightfully from the founding of a cigarette box, so he only took out his lighter and placed the stick between his thick faded pink lips. The man had a shade of light brown hair, with streaks of a comfortable green that he actually did like. From what he had saw by staring at him for about a minute, he was wearing a carolina blue collared shirt tucked into his faded blue jeans. The denim jacket he _wanted_ to ask where he bought it, but hell they haven’t even said one word to each other.

“Want a smoke, pretty boy?”

Xukun didn’t allow those words to leave his lips, but as the smoke lingered in the air he couldn’t prevent himself from offering any in this awkward silence. He heard the beauty behind him sit up, and then the feeling of his eyes on him. He was wearing a white shirt way too big for him, he could see a chain necklace around his neck and a black headband. His curly brown locks sitting in silence atop of the item that read Supreme.

“Uh.. sure.”

He didn’t look like a smoker, and the fact he sucked in his cheeks so when he saw the man start to cough and his face scrunch up in disgust he wasn’t surprised. Xukun sighed at this.

“Shit, if you don’t smoke you could have told me. I wasn’t forcing you, you know.”

Xukun took the cigarette and grabbed the water bottle on the table with his other hand, passing it to him before he stood up to open the window. The fresh air hit his face, and his eyes were drawn to the beauty of the full moon in the nightsky. A sigh left his lips, he adjusted the cigarette in his hand so he was using the knuckles of his index and middle finger without looking away from the light in the sky until he focused on inhaling, before the smoke withdrawed from his mouth.

“What’s your name?”

For a moment he thought, fake name? No, he probably won’t see this guy ever again.

“Xukun.”

“I’m Zhengting.”

“Well, Zhengting, enjoy your healthy lungs. I’m not trying to have a lawsuit on my hands if you’re some rich kid and your parents come after me.”

“Oh, it’s not like that at all. I’ve just never smoked because it’s gross.”

Xukun hummed in amusement, his hand holding the cigarette pushing against the windowsill. He was brushing off the ash by tapping it. Should he have been offended?

“Then why’d you accept my offer?”

“I thought you were pretty.”

“Keep your pants on, I’m still tired.”

The silence he received wasn’t of disappointment, but more of embarrassment.

“I–“

“I was joking.”

Xukun took the water bottle out of his hand once he had drank from it, and poured it over the bud of it then tossed it out the window. He placed the bottle on the table, then ran his hand through his hair while humming. With his hand still in his hair but without any movement, he reopened his eyes to stare at Zhengting who stared at him with admiration in his eyes. Did he truly find him attractive? Then he saw the polaroid camera around his neck, and chuckled, his hand falling down to his side. What was he, doing with a camera around, part of the school paper or something like that?

“Instead of staring, why not just take a picture?”

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Zhengting gripped onto the smaller male’s waist who sat on his lap, his insistent mouth on his with his arms thrown around his neck with a desperate need to feel him. Xukun though from the taste of his mouth, this would soon be over but he only found him to be kissing him harder, deeper, with his cold hands feeling up his waist that was burning up with heat. 

“Why are you so hot?”

“Shut up, do something about it.”

Xukun was pushed onto his back, the bed pressing against his back until he felt a new force almost laid on top of him, with only his knees supporting him. He loved the smell of shampoo in his hair and fresh laundry scent enveloping his body pressed against his own that probably smelt of cologne. It was amazing. How could he smell so good? And why did he love the feeling of Xukun’s skin? Zhengting’s tongue swirled on a certain spot on his neck, then sucked hickies onto his skin he would probably have to cover tomorrow. It was all in the moment though, he loved the feeling of his lips on his body. He wondered if he had read his mind, because he lifted himself off him.

“Take off your shirt.”

Zhengting helped him remove it, tossing it aside as if it was some kind of trash when it costed only seven dollars. He planted kisses down his chest, soft but satisfied airy moans leaving Xukun’s parted lips. Before he knew it, he was on all fours and Zhengting was pulling down his jeans and fingers were in his mouth. His saliva coated them as he sucked down on the three obediently, already knowing what was coming next. He relaxed on his elbows with his head down once they were removed, and his heart slowed down so nothing risky would happen like he _bled_ out of nervousness. Xukun wasn’t some type of whore that went for every chance he had, due to that he didn’t do this often. So when he felt a finger steadily enter him, he flinched and almost whimpered from the feeling. Then he was being fingered open, earning a gasp out of him and he had the urge to slap his hand away just from reflexes.

“Does it hurt?”

“Put it in already..”

Xukun wasn’t sure if he actually meant those words, it simply rolled off his tongue out of being needy so when he heard the zipper and the head pressed against his rim, he tried to speak.

“Wait, wait not–“

He let out a cry when Zhengting slammed into him, losing his balance and falling slack against the bed. His trembling hands holding onto the sheets as if he let go he would never be able to grab back on. More words were swallowed when he pulled back out, with only the tip keeping him at bay until his hips were roughly brought to his skin once more, earning another choked out noise like a cry for help. But it had only been a while like he previously said.

“Are you okay?”

Zhengting noticed his languid state, Xukun replied by helping himself up instead of keeping his ass in the air before he grabbed his face so he would look at him. The previously sexy and intimidating person from before was gone, now there was a tear eyed and lewd expression on his face.. then he smiled wearily.

“Start moving, please..”

Their faces drew together, the kiss was gentle and soothing, Zhengting’s lips tasted sweet with his tongue of candy compared to his. Xukun grunted when he obeyed his words and he thrusted inside him consistently he was forced to break the kiss or he would pass out from lack of oxygen. Zhengting licked the sweat off his back, dipping his fingers harshly into Xukun’s hips it would leave bruises for the sun to shine on. One hand left and he heard the sound of a camera going off, then he was shoved to lay on his back where Xukun could see the camera in his hand. He placed the photo he just took on the bedside table, then lifted it once again.

“You fucke–r!”

Xukun trembled, he was being too rough with him so he couldn’t help the faces he was making and the noises that left his mouth that wouldn’t stay shut. How could he have so much energy. His eyes were closed tightly, the rude sounds of skin slapping together was swallowing the whole room until the sound of another picture taken was heard that interrupted the flow. Xukun didn’t want to imagine how he looked in the photos, it would be too humiliating but there was an urge to look at them and see how disgusting he seemed. He hoped Zhengting would be genuine enough to show him before doing whatever he wants with them. When he was getting close to his limit, Zhengting’s thrusts began to get sporadic and Xukun was too breathless to tell him not inside, he was panicking until he pulled out of him, the white thick liquid splatting strings on his stomach. He was grateful it was over, until he saw him back up and enter him once again then his hand wrapped around Xukun’s cock and stroke it harshly as he thrusted back into him. Xukun was already close, so when he felt the harsh movements he whined through his orgasm. Yet after he finished on his stomach, Zhengting didn’t stop and he was _sensitive_ after cumming.

“Stop.. stop slow down.”

Xukun scratched his arm, whimpering and his moans louder but weaker than before as he continued to roughly abuse his hole. He groaned, his arms falling over his eyes as he struggled to keep his legs up. It burned and the pressure was too much, he didn’t realize he was crying until he felt it drip from his ear. Then he was grabbed by his forearm and suddenly there was Zhengting’s dick in his mouth, with his hands in his hair until he forced him down. Xukun gagged from the abrupt lack of breathing, he was really crying now with tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried his best to suck on him while he swallowed his cock. Zhengting came down his throat, the bitter thickness going down his throat and the eyeroll he _had_ to catch on camera. After he let go of his hair, Xukun fell onto the bed, completely exhausted and let Zhengting take a picture of the drying cum on his stomach along with the hickies on his neck that also showed his swollen lips.

Xukun thought he would be left to clean himself up when Zhengting pulled up his pants and left the room, but was surprised to see him come back with towels and clean his stomach.

“Thank you.”

His voice came out hoarse as he pulled on his shirt, his jeans already on and his legs weren’t sweaty, Zhengting had wiped them down too.

“Do you want to see the photos?”

“Please actually.”

“I really like them.”

Zhengting’s tone was enthusiastic, did he always do this? Have sex with someone but pull out his damn camera? The outcome was five photos. The first was of his back, the second he wasn’t on his stomach and it was from the top of his head to his stomach. The sight of his knees pushed back in sight. He will have Zhengting scribble out his eyes with a black sharpie if he has one so he would remain anonymous. The third was when Zhengting cummed down his throat, his eyes were rolled in the back of his head and it was a sexy, grunge kind of photo you would see on the internet or on tumblr but there was an actual _dick_ in his mouth. The fourth was the cum on his stomach, the sight of his bruised lips in the photo and little peak of his nose. The fifth had the purple and pink hickies, from an angle for when Xukun’s lips were also in the picture.

“They’re.. actually nice. Just scribble out my eyes in the second. And since my eyes are the entire focus in the third photo I’ll consent it.”

“Okay okay.”

Zhengting pulled a sharpie out from his pocket, did he really do this often? He must be a fan of nude photography, considering he showed Xukun his other possible photos were probably given consent. He then watched him cross his eyes out, then hummed.

“Are you a fan of my lips? I see you caught them on two.”

“I actually do, they’re very plump and pretty. The photo makes it seem brighter so they’re redder.”

“Nice, do you always do this?”

“Sex photos? No, this is probably only my second time because I have to choose the best canvas don’t you think?”

“I suppose so.”

Xukun stood up to leave, he thought it was about time and he was awake enough to actually go home instead of waiting to get kicked out the next morning. Then Zhengting grabbed his wrist, quickly catching his attention and he looked back at him. He was close to making a smart remark like ‘we’re not going for another round’ but he held the sharpie out for him. He didn’t take it until he spoke.

“Every masterpiece has a signature.”

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Let’s say to put it in simple words Xukun woke up the next day with a painful headache and an aching ass, he lived in his own apartment two room apartment. The first room was a combination of his bedroom, living room, and kitchen so it was big and the second room had a bathroom with a little area outside of it with a little desk and chair, a small couch against the wall. The monthly pay was fine as long as he didn’t take frequent days off. When he did, he made himself at home or went out for a drink it depends on his mood that day. It’s the same for after work. When he entered his apartment he was greeted with the first room at the end of the hallway. His bed was on the right side of the room, next to the two windows that reached from the ceiling to the floor with curtains available to close. Then close to the bed was the small kitchen table and in front of it were the counters along with a stove and microwave. There was a TV on the opposite side of his bed wall. The second room was small, when entered on the left is the bathroom door and the right is the mini office, couch, and bookshelf with books he didn’t read. It was already there. Everything was decorated as the said colors. White, gray, silver and black. It was apparently healthy to keep a clean and calm environment, according to his past therapist. He soon stopped going, it wasn’t helping him and was only wasting his money along with time.

“You should’ve got his number if he was that good!”

His friend, Zhou Rui, who sat on his bed with his leg crossed over the other. His pretty eyes moved from the TV screen to Xukun who was focusing on cooking his egg that he would be moving onto his toast. Rui worked at two part-time jobs, a local coffee shop in the morning and a bar at night. His light brown hair was tied up in a small messy bun with waves of his hair left to cover the back of his neck and his bangs resting on the sides of his face. His lips were tinted pink, wore light makeup only for it to change when it was after dark and he had to leave for his second job. He wore a simple white shirt with a maroon jacket over it, tight black jeans covering his legs that cut off at his ankles and he wore regular black and white converse. He blew circles into the air from his silver and pink vape pen that smelt of cotton candy, it left a pleasant scent in the room so Xukun didn’t leave the windows open. He would never forget the time he came over once and it smelled like lemon for a week in his apartment, but apparently this one was ‘different.’ The smell was easier to handle, so either way it was fine.

“I’m not trying to have a photogenic freak in bed.”

“You sound middle-aged. Come on, you’re nineteen and as free as you can be. Well, in some ways.”

Rui knew of his problems, but he knew it wasn’t a comfortable subject to speak of so he spoke little of it as possible. Of course though, as a best friend (some say his only friend) there were bound to be some times where Rui had a time with him every now and then. Just so he could be reassured he was okay at the time.

“He airdropped the photos to you right? Let me see them.”

“My phone is on the table.”

Rui took his phone just as the door opened, and he already knew who it was. Xukun knew too, it was Rui’s current sex partner, of course he never referred to them as that and treated them as if they were in an actual stable relationship. That’s what they basically were though as much as he knew.

“Yanchen! Come look at Xukun’s nudes with me!”

“That sounds fun.”

Yanchen pressed a kiss against Rui’s cheek, before he sat next to him. He wore an oversized gray sweatshirt with a few strings hanging out on the wrist, his blue cuffed jeans with rips on his knees was firm on his waist from the black belt strapped around him. Xukun rolled his eyes as he bit into his toast, leaving the kitchen area to sit on the opposite side of Rui.

“They’re not nudes, they just show my upper body and his dick.”

“Wow, I really like the hickies and eyeroll photographs. I thought you didn’t like sucking dick?”

“He shoved it down my throat before I knew it, and I was being overstimulated so it would be no use to try to get it out of my mouth.”

“Damn, I thought you didn’t like that either.”

Yanchen laughed, enjoying the comfortable conversation with the three of them. Xukun sighed, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t, but I tried new things last night.”

“Send these to me.”

Rui cooed, patting the top of his head while he scrolled between the pictures one last time before he handed the phone back to him.

“I have to get to work now, you too right?”

Xukun nodded, holding out his toast for him to bite which he happily did, crunching it while he stood up with Yanchen to leave.

“See you later Kun, will you be coming tonight?”

“If I’m feeling shitty.”

“So I will.”

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It was after work in the late afternoon when Xukun decided to go to the market before he went home to change so he could go to the bar Rui worked. On the way he bought street food, he often ate and Rui got mad at him for never gaining weight for it. Currently he was busy eating candied hawthorn, or Tanghulu. The taste of the strawberry was incredibly sweet and fit his tastebuds, while he looked at the dragon fruit in his other hand. He let go of the stick with the strawberry still in his mouth so he could have a better look, but accidentally dropped it in the process only for someone behind him to catch it. Xukun sighed in relief, thankful for the person so he wouldn’t be forced to pay for a dirty fruit.

“Thank you so much– oh.”

He came face to face with Zhengting, he immediately noticed the green dye in his hair was gone and instead his brown hair was darker. He wore a red shirt with a small white collar, golden rimmed glasses with a golden necklace attached to both screws. The three buttons on his shirt were buttoned, so there was no sight of his chest. He wore beige shorts, his legs had a few bruises that showed he was quite clumsy as a person. The real question was, how could he have bumped into him? Meanwhile Zhengting was surprised.

_So he wasn’t a dream._

He looked so beautiful up close, with the sun out and he could have a better look of him instead of a dark room. He was wearing a black jumpsuit, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows and with one earphone in while his phone was in his pocket. Xukun stared back at him, he wasn’t able to tell what he was thinking and fortunately he didn’t want to. He took the dragon fruit back from him, placing it in his bag and quickly paying for it. Before Zhengting knew it, he was running away from him. He meant metaphorically, he was more like speed-walking so he wouldn’t gain any attention. But he only followed him, why was he doing that? When he turned the corner it was when he stopped, the other nearly bumping into him only for Xukun to increase the space between them.

“Why are you following me?”

“I’m not entirely sure either.”

“Then stop.”

He caught his wrist when he turned around to leave.

“I don’t want to.”

“You already have my pictures, that’s enough as a memory.”

“I don’t want you as a memory.”

“Tough luck then.”

Xukun released himself harshly, but the moment he turned his back to him he felt like he was treating him too cruelly without hearing him out. So he sighed, lazily moving his feet against the dirt to face the man who stared at him with sad puppy eyes. He rubbed his eyes, before speaking up.

“Let’s.. let’s go for a cup of coffee.”

Zhengting blinked rapidly for a moment from the offer, when he was actually demanded to and smiled happily at him.

“Okay!”

“Don’t get too excited, I walked here. Do you have a car?”

“Yes, we’ll go to Fantizi café!”

That was where Rui worked. When Xukun began to walk as he stuffed another strawberry in his mouth, Zhengting stopped him.

“Stay here, I’ll come by.”

Then he ran off the opposite direction, leaving Xukun there to continue eating with fruit and other foods in his two bags. For a moment, he once again assumed he was left alone but Zhengting rolled up soon with his window down.

“You can put the bags in the trunk.”

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Rui was surprised to see Xukun walk in with someone, for a moment he thought he was being stalked but the man had actually sat down with him. Xukun didn’t seem too bothered by it, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t at all. He switched out with a girl to handle the register, then walked to his table with a small notebook to write down their orders.

“Xukun are you on a date?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Xukun’s cheek relaxed against his palm, with his elbow planted on the table and he turned his head so it was his chin to glare at the other.

“No..”

Zhengting wasn’t sure why he said yes, so he wanted to cover his face when he saw the way Xukun stared at him with a menacing look.

“Well who’s this?”

“What’s your name?”

Zhengting wanted to slump in his chair when he pretended to not know his name, a frown on his lips.

“I’m Zhengting.”

“Wait, you were the one who fucked Xukun last–“

“I want a glass of water thanks. Zhengting what do you want?”

“Uh, an iced coconut milk latte please.”

Rui’s eyes moved to Xukun’s, noticing his hard stare at him, clearly he didn’t want last night to be mentioned at all. He must not know Xukun had a little group where they talk about their sex lives, but it wasn’t like he came in voluntarily it was just a common topic Rui brought up. While they waited, it was awkward for a a few minutes with Xukun on his phone until Zhengting started up a conversation.

“Uh.. how old are you?”

“I’m nineteen. Are you the same?”

“Yes actually.”

“College?”

“I don’t know.”

Xukun hummed, looking down as the aesthetic glass jug of water was placed in front of him with a straw. Zhengting bit down on his lip, then reached over to tap his hand.

“What?”

“Can I take a picture?”

Xukun let go of the glass and nodded, but he guessed Zhengting suddenly thought he had the right to tell him what to do.

“Put your hand back on the handle. And place your elbow on the table with your hand on the left of your chin.”

“Alright I guess.”

He did as he said, Zhengting stood from his seat so he was able to capture the right angle and amount of Xukun in it. He was slightly embarrassed when people glanced at them or full on stared, then once he took the picture he muttered for him to sit the hell down.

Then Xukun felt his phone vibrate, and he looked down at his screen to see Rui texting him despite being in the same room as him. Probably afraid his boss would kick his ass if he decided to leave his position again.

 _oldie rui_  
text me what happens next ;)

“What did you want to discuss?”

“Well, it involves pay..”

“I’m not becoming your sex slave.”

Xukun swirled his straw in his glass, the ice colliding with the walls consistently before the straw met the inside of his mouth and the amount of water decreased. Zhengting became flustered and shook his head immediately.

“No no, how do I put this? Could you be.. my model?”

“No.”

Zhengting sighed.

“I’ll pay you seventy per hour.”

“Make it a hundred.”

“Okay!”

Xukun was actually joking, but to see him go along with a higher pay so comfortably and the excitement radiating off him he had no choice but to go along with it. He mumbled an ‘alright,’ managing to ignore the quiet sounds of ambition with enthusiasm. His elbow pushed against the table with his chin in his hand, his eyes gazing out the window before they were drawn to the photographer across from him drinking his latte. He knew he would either be really annoyed by this guy, or he would probably be grasping at his attention just so he could tease him. What kind of photos did he usually take other than this? He said this would only be the second time he’s done this with someone. When he meant second time, did he mean second agreement or actually not so experienced?

“So, is going out to visit beautiful gardens and amusement parks going to be the normal or something?”

Zhengting swallowed the remaining liquid in his mouth, before he leaned back in his seat with his arms behind his head. Then he shrugged, he wasn’t looking at him but the view out the window beside him. People were passing by, their dogs jumping around, happy to be ready and out early in the morning with their owner.

“Perhaps an or something.”

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“I.. I know you said this would be different, but isn’t this too sudden?”

“Did you want a list?”

He expected to go home, get dressed and have a night out with Rui. Instead Zhengting took out a rope from the back of his car, and said this would take a while. The rope around his wrists hurt, why couldn’t he buy something slightly more gentle? He was grateful though he didn’t buy a blindfold or he would die from a panic attack. That would be a fucking headline. Instead of a blindfold, his face was just shoved into the blanket with limited breathing with his arms tied behind his back. The whole process of tying him up without him throwing a fit was a blur, he was especially thinking how the hell he got a _cockring_ on him. 

“What the hell were you trying to do?”

“I don’t know, what did it look like to you?”

Before he knew it, his hand came down to his ass and a surprised yelp left him. Then he felt Zhengting’s lips by his ear.

“Try that shit again.”

Xukun wanted to laugh, yet he couldn’t help the shiver dancing down his spine and his palms beginning to sweat. Zhengting continued to slide his fingers in and out of him as he pleased, earning gentle moans until four fingers were inside him and he was digging his nails into his hand, he wouldn’t doubt he had already broken through his skin. He was whining, he could tell he was avoiding his prostate purposely due to the fact he found it earlier and had yet to take advantage of it.

“Zhengting.. please.”

“Please what?”

“Please, ah, stop being mean.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

He heard the sound of his camera going off, and Zhengting could tell that pissed him off by the way he tried to kick him but he grabbed his ankle with his other hand.

“Are you frustrated?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

Zhengting hummed, as if he was as disappointed as he was.

“Why?”

“Because it’s been fucking ten minutes and you haven’t took out your– ow!”

Zhengting did the same as before when he misbehaved, he used his free hand to slap his ass, but instead did it multiple times with each cheek having its own turn. Each time it was rougher, leaving prints of his hand on him in red. Xukun cried out when it was beginning to become too much, he straightened and curled his hands and fingers trying to get his attention.

“Z.. Zhengting, ow.. what did I do?”

“No one said you had the right to curse.”

“I’m sorry.. stop hitting me.”

“Really? I thought you liked it.”

“What?”

Xukun was surprised by this, him? Enjoying this? Not a chance.

“You aren’t self aware are you?”

Zhengting ran his hand over the prints, then grunted as he shoved his fingers that remained inside Xukun deeper, a scream almost leaving him. Xukun panted against the bedsheets, his drool slipping down his chin with it connected to the bed. He continuously hit his prostate, all the pressure built up in him finally being smacked back into his face all at once.

“You were moaning like a whore just now, yet you’re telling me to stop as if you have authority?”

“I di.. didn’t realize.”

He struggled to get those words out as he cried, he felt the body shifting behind him and he could feel his knees near his feet. Zhengting’s arm wrapped around his chest before he was pulled to sit on his knees.

“Is it enough?”

Xukun whimpered from the loss of something inside him, then was welcomed by the view of Zhengting’s fingers with strings connected to each one. He shook his head, his hands stretching out to touch the hardness in his pants only to be slapped.. on the cheek.

“Hurt..”

“Tell me the truth baby and I’ll give you what you want. Did it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re honest. Good boy.”

Zhengting pressed a kiss to his cheek, then continued to drag them down to his neck before bitng into his shoulder. Xukun shivered under his touch, then looked down when he noticed his hand skimming down his stomach. Then his two fingers pressed against the head, earning a flinch out of him and he bucked his hips into his crotch by mistake. Thankfully, Zhengting found it humorous and his other hand gently caressed his stinging ass. Xukun quietly whined, throwing his head back so it rested on his shoulder while the other ran a nail down his shaft as he hummed pleasantly.

“Please..”

“Please what?”

“I want it. I want it inside.”

“Okay.”

Xukun gasped when he fell onto the bed, groaning from the discomfort of his dick not being touched. He wished at least he would take off the cockring, or he would just let him cum. Instead of hearing his zipper, he heard a drawer open. He wasn’t able to turn his head to see what he was doing. He didn’t have to, he had already felt the dip of the bed behind him. He whispered his name, but Zhengting didn’t say anything and there was a clack. He couldn’t guess what it was until there was a ball-like object at his entrance. Xukun’s fingers messed with each other, then he felt it pushed inside him with a yelp. It felt like a marble, it was cold.

“Zhengting.. what is that?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll put it inside quick like you said.”

There were more, they got larger and larger. He grunted and cried out when he had to spread him open wider with his thumb to fit the big ones. Finally when they stopped, he counted at least five to six. He felt slightly stuffed, not as stuffed as when Zhengting had his dick inside him but it was a strange thing to have in him. He wished it was something else he liked _more_ but at least he didn’t feel as empty as before.

“It’s okay baby, I have a surprise.”

Then a click. His mouth fell open. He had never felt anything like this, he wasn’t kidding when he said he almost never does this. So this is all new to him. The vibrations inside him had him quivering, the beads were spread out inside him against his walls and sensitive areas.

“This room is pretty chilly, don’t you think? Turning up a sweat will help, and some heat.”

What the hell was on that remote? Zhengting happily sat next to the male, who trembled and grunted, it was only on the lowest level. It was amusing how easy it was to get him on his knees. He brushed his thumb against a button a few times, then another once. Xukun felt heat from the beads, but was too busy crying and whining from the increased aggression.

“I don’t like that reaction.”

Zhengting turned it up again, a scream nearly startling him then he wondered how soundproof his apartment walls were. Xukun didn’t care about that, or anyone on the same fucking floor as him, he was always quiet so they wouldn’t assume it was him. He was close, the damn cockring he put on him wasn’t allowing him to release. He fell to his side, so he was able to look at Zhengting who seemed to be enjoying the show.

“Let me cum.”

“Was that a demand?”

“No–“

Zhengting skipped ahead and set the vibrations at the highest along with the heat, watching Xukun with his leg crossed over the other struggle against the ropes and bite his lip until he bled, all the while his vulgar sounds coming from his mouth becoming music to his ears. He felt like he was dying, the pleasure was so much the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. Zhengting felt a tint of sympathy and finally turned off the beads, tossing the remote onto the chair as he stood up then continued to remove the cockring. The feeling of his fingers brushing against him nearly made him cum at that moment. Then he used one hand to spread his ass so he could have a full view of him pulling out the beads. The sensation felt like something was popping in him, starting off small until it progressively became bigger then he pulled the rest all at once. Is it possible to feel like the color yellow? Zhengting dragged his finger on the pile of cum, then lifted it up to Xukun’s bruised lips.

“Open up.”

He hummed in satisfaction when he did as he was told, and swallowed the white liquid on his tongue. Bitter, but not as bad as others he has tasted. Zhengting untied the ropes, tossing them to the floor and cleaned the mess while Xukun laid on his side to avoid looking at him. When he cleaned the rag, he walked back to the other and sat next to him where he was welcomed by his back.

“Did I do too much?”

No answer.

“If I did, did you like it?”

Xukun nearly turned his head back to him, but continued to stare ahead. Then he felt his hands in his hair, pushing it back so it wasn’t in his face.

“We should’ve had a safe word–“

“I liked it. Now let me sleep.”

Zhengting looked at him due to his response, and saw how red his ears were. He couldn’t help but to smile.

“Turn on the air conditioner bitch.”

“Okay.”

He chuckled to himself, but when he stood he realized.. he was hard. He was totally focused on making Xukun feel good he didn’t realize how much it hurt inside his jeans. When he adjusted the temperature then faced the hallway, a voice stopped him.

“Where are you going?”

Xukun was startled by his own voice, why did he care? Why did he have an anxious feeling in his stomach? Was it the beads?

“O.. oh! I’m just going to take care of myself in the bathroom.”

Zhengting’s shy expression and the way he scratched the back of his neck almost made him smile. He treated him so mercilessly just now yet had the nerve to act all cute and innocent. Xukun instead hummed, as if he was thinking.

“You only gave me your fingers and beads,”

Zhengting’s eyebrow twitched as he watched Xukun. He pushed himself onto his stomach and sat up on his knees, his hands reaching behind him to spread his ass apart for his gaping hole.

“You’re.. you’re not going to fuck me? Are you sure?”

Heat settled in his chest and his cheeks warmed up, how could he remain so stable? How come it was so easy for him to fall in his grasp? He swallowed the lump in his throat, his words continued to jumble over the other.

“I.. I– well, I don’t want to exhaust you any more than I already have Kun!”

He laughed nervously.

“Zhengting please, I want your cock. In me, inside me right now, I need it. Now now now.”

His whining voice had him dragging him by the tail towards him, without delay he was already right behind him with his jeans hanging off one foot. He heard a stifled _giggle_ leave Xukun from how eager he seemed, and he wasn’t able to wait any longer. He choked on his own voice and his head fell between his arms when he felt him enter him. Zhengting was worried it hurt, or if it was too much. Then there was a shallow whisper.

_”Use me.”_

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Xukun had fell asleep immediately after he took a shower. Zhengting walked out with spare clothes on and sat on the end of the bed, staring at the pictures he took.

How could he look amazing in all of them?

His eyes couldn’t possibly leave the one where it showed his face after he was slapped, his eyes half-closed and his cheek with an imprinted red mark. But.. there was a shy, adorable smile playing on his lips. Zhengting knelt down next to the bed, his finger drawing across his cheek then his bottom lip.

“How are you so beautiful?”

If Xukun heard these words, what would he say?

“Why did you try to avoid me? I want to stay with you.”

If Xukun was awake this whole time, what words would leave the lips he loves so much?

_”I don’t like you.”_

The thought of his face twisted in disgust or disappointment directed towards him wasn’t something fond to think about.

Zhengting brushed his fingers through his hair.

“I could never tell you that.”

He smiled bitterly, then his cheeks reddened when Xukun kissed his fingers, before muttering nonsense in his sleep after he pulled his hand away. What was he dreaming about, him? Never in a million years. Then in his backpocket, his phone began to ring and Zhengting quickly answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi Zhengting, it’s been a while, yea?”

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“Say, you said there was someone else you took pictures of before me right?”

Xukun woke up to two hundred dollars in the morning, it was probably one of the best mornings he has had in months. He didn’t notice Zhengting tense up from his question, then he chewed on his bottom lip.

His phone rang of a text, and he saw texts from Rui.

 _oldie rui_  
okay you never came last night!!  >:(

 _xukun_  
zhengting ended up coming over its not my fault

 _oldie rui_  
why didnt you at least text me i was sticking my nose in every private room trying to find you ans you didn’t even reply to this mornings text!

 _xukun_  
oh, those, i forgot about that

 _xukun_  
well, i didnt go last night because zhengting wanted to come over and try something out. so sorry rui i am very apologetic rn

 _oldie rui_  
suuuuuure. at least warn me next time you go out to fuck

 _xukun_  
okay

“Where’s this coming from?”

“I don’t know, I was thinking about it when I saw the money this morning.”

“Well, he.. he was very handsome.”

Xukun halted, his lips stopping before he could wrap them around the straw, then continued. After he swallowed, he nodded.

“What’s his name?”

“O.. oh. Uh, his name, right.”

Zhengting scratched the back of his neck, while the brown haired waited patiently with one hand on the cup and his other resting on his lap. The gaze that was on him he couldn’t resist.

“His name is Lin Yanjun.”

“When was this?”

“Last year.”

“Why’d it break off?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Had he gone too far in asking?

“He called me last night, but uh, did I pressure you yesterday?”

“Why do you ask?”

“He.. he wants to work with me again.”

Xukun furrowed his eyebrows, and his eyes drifted downwards to his cup then the cigarette in his left hand. It was awkward for a moment, taking it up to his lips and between his lips. After he puffed out the smoke, he leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed.

“So you’re choosing him over me?”

Why did he have such an offended tone?

“No, that’s not what I mean at all!”

“Is he prettier than me? Or handsome?”

This shut him up, but also his words caught himself off guard. Zhengting frowned. Was he disappointed?

“I’m not trying to assume anything, but are you jealous? Or am I mistaken?”

“You’re mistaken. I’m with you for pay.”

Zhengting felt something in his chest throb, it hurt. He cleared his throat and nodded.

“Sorry I didn’t–“

“So you fucked him?”

“W.. well yes for the photos–“

“Do you fuck me like you used to fuck him?”

He was startled by the question, he took a quick look around the nearly abandoned café then back at Xukun with an embarrassed expression, but he clearly didn’t care.

“Xukun–“

“Did you tie him up? Did you use beads on him? Did you make him cry?”

“Yes, he recommended often. And more than that.”

Xukun didn’t want to be surprised, but he was.

“Kinky bastard.”

Zhengting was red-faced for saying these things out loud. Xukun sighed, his expression deemed bored but beneath the table he had took off his right shoe and currently rubbing it against his ankle. Zhengting didn’t say anything, allowing him to do what he wants.

“How was he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was his hole good? Was he loud? Would the bed creak?”

Xukun smiled politely, innocently, his chin in his hands and his foot lifting his jeans. Then he rose from his seat, standing next to him with his hand on his thigh. Zhengting was having a hard time avoiding him, what was so amusing to see him embarrassed?

“Did you fuck him hard?”

“I..”

“Does he grip onto you, begging you to go harder. Harder Zhengting. Be more vigorous. Hm?”

Xukun walked behind him, placing his arms around him with his hand touching his chest lightly while he held his cigarette away from his shirt. With his lips near his ear, he spoke.

“Did he just _fucking take it?_ ”

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_”It’s been a while, yea?”_

“Y.. yes it has, Yanjun.”

“You know, I miss the photos you would take of me. I’m looking at your blog right now, and I look great don’t I?”

Zhengting didn’t answer, taking a glance at Xukun before he was taken back into the call by hearing Yanjun _laugh._

“Can you take pictures of me again?”

“I.. I already have a model. I hired him just this morning.”

“That’s very coincidental. Does that mean no?”

“I don’t know Yanjun..”

Yanjun hummed on the other line, twisting his own lock of hair with a slender finger while his left held the phone up to his ear.

“How about this, you come over and we have a little discussion?”

“Yanjun.”

“You remember my address?”

“.. Yes.”

“Bring the camera.”

Zhengting stared at Xukun, why did it feel like he would be betraying him by going? No. They weren’t in a relationship or anything, there was no need to feel like this. And it’s just a discussion, they’ll talk and figure it out then he will leave.

“Why do you seem bothered? Model not giving you enough?”

“He.. he is.”

“Really? Doesn’t seem like it.”

Yanjun squeezed the hand on his thigh, a jolt releasing from him and he smiled, laughing from how cute he is. Then hummed, his hand dragging to his inner thigh until he was feeling up the growing bulge in his jeans. Zhengting shook his head, pushing his hand away and shoved his own hands between his thighs so he wouldn’t try touching him.

“If you don’t want to, just say it. I’m not gonna force you, you know. Either way, can I know his name?”

He yelped when he was suddenly pulled by his ankles, he laid on the bed while Zhengting adjusted himself so he relaxed between his legs. Yanjun was only wearing boxers which had shitty material, so when he felt his warm mouth against his dick, he quivered in delight.

“You whore.”

“Yes I am.”

Yanjun felt his hands in his hair, a shiver passing through him when Zhengting took off his underwear, but a soft moan past his lips like a ghost as he felt his dick be swallowed, he didn’t have the biggest size. But he fondly remembered when he would say it was cute, then kiss his tip as if they’ve known each other so fondly.

“But are you any better? Did you have any rounds with him today?”

He felt the vibrations of a growl in his throat, he already wanted to just have Zhengting fuck him hard and treat him like an object for his own pleasure. When he retreated from his cock, he flipped him over and the moment he felt his tongue at his rim he _melted._ He was treating him so good.

“Did you make him cry?”

The thought of him riled him up is the information he has got out of him so far, but when Zhengting lifted his head and dug his teeth into his right cheek, it was unexpected and he hadn’t let out this much noise in a while. He knew what Yanjun liked, and he knew what he liked just as the same.

“Fuck it doesn’t matter.”

“Someone is aggressive– ugh.”

Yanjun grunted when he was pulled up by the hair, then whined loudly as he felt Zhengting enter him. He roughly bit into his shoulder, too hard and Yanjun let out a cry when he felt the skin rip through. While he catched up with his breathing and watched the streak of blood taint his white shirt, he let him do whatever he wanted to him for his own pleasure. He would knock the breath out of him, force him to lay on his back before pushing his knees onto his chest so he could have a better view. There were times when he was constant and thrusted inside him roughly in a pattern to hear him whine louder and louder. Yanjun knew he was close when he was getting messy, then slammed his hips into him. He never pulled out with him, the first time they did it he did and Yanjun had him know it was okay.

“His name is Xukun.”

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“Stop trying to seduce me, and the cigarette smells. Are you mad?”

“Why would I be?”

Xukun shoved his foot back into his shoe, then sat back down. Zhengting flinched when the bell rang, a signal a customer arrived in the little café and he didn’t bother to turn around. He always turned around. So Xukun already knew what was about to happen, and stabbed his cigarette onto the table. He didn’t care if it would damage the quality and leave a smell.

“Hi Zhengting!”

“Well who is this?”

He didn’t mean to be _noticeably_ sarcastic but it clearly didn’t turn out that way. The other didn’t seem to mind, actually a corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk and looked at Zhengting for an answer, who seemed like he was ready to get the hell out of here.

“Ah, well, this is Yanjun. Yanjun, this is Xukun.”

“Oh, this is him?”

Xukun already wanted to punch this guy in the face by his tone, what did he mean this is him? Why did he say ‘him’ so insultingly?

“Yes this is him. And is this your old one?”

Zhengting honestly didn’t know what the _fuck_ was going on but the tension was there between the two. Yanjun hummed as he pulled up a chair to sit down, crossing his leg over the other with his elbows on the table. Xukun wanted to roll his eyes. Whore.

“I forgot to ask this wow, but why the hell is this guy here?”

“It’s almost like I’m invisible.”

Yanjun let out a laugh. Zhengting licked his lips before answering.

“As you know, he said he wanted to be my model again.”

“I never said I agreed.”

“If only I wasn’t a day late you know.”

“Well aren’t you intrusive?”

Zhengting tapped Xukun’s chair, and giving him eye contact so he’d know he wanted him to stop being rude.

“Let’s not be like this, please?”

“I’m not acting out.”

“Acting like an idiot is as far as I can see, are you like this always or are you just showing off for me?”

“Please keep talking, it’s so fascinating I can’t help but to yawn.”

“Xukun!”

“Why am I getting called out? He has been a been being a cunt since he walked in!”

It felt like he was being scolded by a damn parent in front of his teacher. Embarrassing and the adults won’t bother to hear the students side of the story.

“Why does he want to be your model anyway?! Any photographer is probably willing as long as he shuts up here so he can save his breath for when he has to blow them off!”

“Jealousy is humiliating isn’t it?”

“I’m not fucking jealous!!”

Xukun left his seat aggressively, the chair falling to the floor then he nearly broke the glass door as he left the café. Zhengting sighed, rubbing his temple with his two fingers.

“Why were you acting like that?”

“I wanted to see how it would look if I pissed him off. Does he have any issues? Never mind you wouldn’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

Yanjun stared at the black stain on the table as he answered.

“It’s not like you’re boyfriends or anything.”

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Zhengting found it difficult trying to find him, until he found the displeasing scent of smoke and followed it. That’s where he found Xukun behind a flower shop, and was shocked when he found him crying. When he approached him, he intended on helping him feel better only to find out he wasn’t crying because he was sad. He was angry.

“Leave me the hell alone.”

“Xukun–“

“I said leave me the fuck alone!! You know, you don’t know shit, nothing! You don’t know my problems, you don’t know what I like or dislike, you don’t know the crap I have to do every morning afternoon and night because all you’re here for is your stupid ass photos. You’re here to just take pictures! Pictures of us having sex! So don’t come to _me_ asking what’s wrong because we are just sex partners and will be nothing more than that. Or maybe now we don’t have to be considering you brought some old slut buddy to me asking if we can have threesomes. Well I’m not handling another asshole in my life, neither fucking one, I don’t give a damn how much you like taking pictures of my lips I’m not including–“

Xukun was shut up the moment Zhengting grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards his chest, their body’s colliding with their lips connecting. The taste of his salty tears didn’t leave his tongue, Xukun kept crying from the anger inside him and the fact he was crying overall, especially in front of someone. Though he wasn’t some easy going guy. So he pushed him away almost immediately after coming to his senses.

“Did you think a kiss would solve everything?”

“If I said I did would you get mad?”

“I’m already pissed off, just leave me be.”

Xukun wiped the warm tears off with his backhand, only for a tap on his shoulder to come after and he was offered a tissue. He stared at it for a few seconds, before he took it so his nose wouldn’t block out.

“Never kiss me outside of the bedroom either, or actually never kiss me ar all, we’re not together. I don’t know who said you have that privilege.”

“I did it so you wouldn’t strain yourself even more than you already had,”

A partial lie. He really didn’t want him to pop a vein over this.

“And if you don’t want to include him, you don’t have to. It will always be your choice, so if it’s a no I’ll tell him no.”

“It’s a no.”

“Okay.”

Xukun didn’t want to ask about the fresh bite mark on Yanjun’s shoulder, if he did he felt like he would receive the answer he already predicted in his head. _He invited me over for sex._ It looked like it hurt and the aftermath was blood. He nearly winced at the thought. Zhengting stared at him with a frown. Was he really irritated to the point he couldn’t hold his frustrated tears in? Did he feel humiliated? Was he making it worse by witnessing it? Then Xukun sighed.

“Don’t think too hard, it’s not _all_ your fault. Just never show that dumbass to me ever again.”

Zhengting heard him mutter something else, but if he wanted to be quiet about it perhaps he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell him yet. So he didn’t ask.

“I’m still angry. And you’re still partially at fault, so answer me this.”

“I’ll answer whatever you want.”

“Am.. am I better? The better canvas?”

Zhengting was shocked from the question, there were surprises hitting him left and right today. When he faced him, he saw his gaze almost reach the sidewalk, his jaw was clenched but moreover his cheeks had gone pink. Embarrassment? It didn’t matter, right now he just wanted Xukun to know he wanted him.

“Yes, you’re the better canvas.”

“Then do all the things you have ever done to him, give it all to me and more.”

Yanjun, to put it in words, was a man he’s never met. He explored many more things thanks to him, things he never thought he would _enjoy._ And more than that?

“Xukun, if you’re mad I can do anything, but I’m not sure if you would like that. Wouldn’t this be.. too sudden? We’ve only done it twice.”

“Make it three.”

Zhengting was startled when Xukun dropped the cigarette, shoving him against the wall with his eyes opened wide. He was serious.

“Four. Five, six, seven. Eight nine. Ten. Use me.”

“I.. I don’t–“

“Make me fucking bleed Zhengting. Now.”

“Here?!”

His shout gained more attention rather than Xukun’s words that remained audible only to the both of them instead of the passing people. Honestly, he didn’t know what he was saying either but all he had to know is he was angry. And the fact he hated how caring he was, especially about his body and emotions that he had the audacity to leave the person he invited to comfort him. But he nodded nonchalantly. Zhengting sighed, scratching his head because he knew he wouldn’t be able to convince him otherwise. He was taking too long, so with his body still close to him he reached between them to stroke him through his jeans. Zhengting flinched, looking around him to see only a few people but he was a nervous person so he was tapping Xukun’s shoulder desperately for him to stop. He only continued, this time he pulled it out to stroke it comfortably, hearing him whine and felt him drop his forehead onto his shoulder. He breathed out for him to stop.

“Why? You seem so excited, is it because we’re in public? You think people might see your dick out in my hand, hear you moan and cry out when you’re close thanks to me?”

“It’s embarrassing.. Xukun stop.”

“You want me to stop and leave you hard? You’re gonna walk around with that thing in your pants, if you want to that’s fine.”

The moment he removed his hand Zhengting’s snapped onto his wrist, and his head lifted off his shoulder so he could turn for his lips to reach his ear.

“Do your job.”

Zhengting latched his hand onto the back of his neck, moving his other down his lower spine to pull him closer before he bit into his neck. Tearing through the skin with his teeth and finally getting a taste of the red liquid. Why was it so pleasing, the blood tainting his teeth and drowning down his throat. It hurt, it really hurt actually his eyes began to prickle with tears but the ends of his lips quivered into a smile. It was _good,_ so fucking _good._

“Y.. Yes.”

Xukun was pushed down onto his knees, immediately taking him into his mouth. He didn’t care by now if people passed by and managed to get a glimpse, he took him down his throat as much as he could trying to keep himself from tensing up and choking. Zhengting ran his fingers through his hair gently, praising him about how good he was to him and teasing him with questions.

“Did you do this to any guy who was willing to fuck you?”

“How many have you sucked?”

“Did you always have hearts in your eyes when one is in your mouth?”

He pulled it out of his mouth, tapping the tip against his lips with strings of his spit connecting them. 

“I’ve only loved yours.”

“Don’t lie to me you damn whore.”

_”I want it in me._

Xukun hummed, licking his lips as he stroked his cock until his head was pulled back by the hair, groaning softly from the pain.

“Pity.”

Xukun whined as he watched Zhengting finish himself off in front of him, but kept his mouth open with his tongue out to at least get a taste of him. Then he retracted it, swallowing the familiar taste.

“Turn around, hands on the wall and ass out.”

Zhengting ordered as he buttoned his jeans, Xukun was confused but did as he was told, his sweats slipped to the floor. He placed his hands on the wall, waiting for anything while hearing the sounds of something wet then it felt cold. He turned his head to see something a dark gray, and Zhengting’s smile, before he shoved a long prostate massager he had back at home only to bring it today. It was already covered in lube so it wouldn’t hurt as much. Xukun felt his arms slide against the wall, the tip of it was bent so it could poke at his prostate with each movement.

“Now some hide and seek, let’s see..”

Xukun grunted as he twisted and turned the object inside him, then gasped, his legs weakening and he nearly fell to the ground. Zhengting laughed, holding onto him by the waist before throwing him back at the wall.

“I’m not done.”

He trembled when he felt Zhengting spread him out more, only to feel something else trying to fit inside him. Two?

“It’s not gonna fit, take it out now.”

“It’ll fit.”

“You’re going to rip me apart. Zhengting!”

He nearly screamed when it was forcefully pushed inside him, panting as he tried to become accustomed to more than one thing inside him. Zhengting pulled up his boxers and sweatpants for him, he made sure he wore something loose so it wouldn’t be _too_ intense when tight jeans were already consuming him.

“Come on baby, you have it in you like you wanted. You want ice cream? I can buy you ice cream.”

Zhengting pressed his body against him from behind, placing his hand over his and interlocking their fingers. Xukun quivered in his touch.

“What’s your favorite flavor? Vanilla? Cookies and cream? Strawberry? Do you want a cone or it in a cup?”

When he received no answer, he let go of one of his hands to reach into Xukun’s backside, pulling something with a string attached out. It was long for a specific reason to be revealed later. He lifted it up so Xukun would be able to see it. A remote, his worst fucking enemy.

“What is your favorite ice cream flavor?”

He asked with a more assertive, threatening tone so he would answer or else.

“I.. it’s chocolate.”

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Zhengting walked into an ice cream parlor with his hand laced with Xukun’s, who was gripping into him tightly with tense shoulders. He left it on, pressing into the button twice so he could at least have a reaction from him. It wasn’t enough to make him cum, but for his dick to start to feel uncomfortable underneath his boxers.

“I’d like a cotton candy flavor, in a cup please. Kunkun?”

Xukun looked at him, his stomach was uneasy and it felt like eating ice cream wouldn’t help too much. But he hadn’t ate in a few hours.

“I.. I want chocolate.”

“With a cone or in a cup baby?”

“A cone.”

Zhengting smiled as he handed the money over to the worker. After telling them they will being it over, they sat down. Though the way he stared at Xukun, he could see that he had done something wrong.

“Why were you being rude?”

“I was?”

“You didn’t say please, telling her you want chocolate what a vague answer. With no apology either.”

Zhengting held the remote beneath the table, the cord coming from the inside of Xukun’s pants. He sighed, then there was a click and his upper body immediately bent over the table. Trying to contain himself, he let out a huff then his back hit his chair with his head thrown back. This was too cruel. He squirmed in his seat, only for the plug to hit his prostate deeper and he cried out. He quickly covered his mouth, his eyes looking around nervously if anyone had heard. He had only gain a few glances, but it was still embarrassing.

“Here’s your ice cream. Cotton candy and chocolate.”

The worker presented the cup onto the table in front of Zhengting, a thank you leaving him then held out the ice cream cone for Xukun. He reached his hand out.

“Thank–“

 _Click._ His hand flinched forward, knocking the cone out of her hand. Zhengting pretended to be surprised, while Xukun quickly apologized and stood up to help clean. Then he heard something fall, and his gaze fell to the groud. There he saw the gray remote, the worker followed the cord to see it disappear inside Xukun’s pants. Recognition dawned on her face, glancing an uncomfortable look in her eyes at Xukun who stared at her with wide eyes.

“I’ll clean it sir, it’s okay.”

Xukun slowly sat down in his seat, he could feel the intense heat on his face and his ears, he’d never felt more humiliated. There was something else he never experienced, he _came_ when he saw the expression on her face. The fact she knew he was getting off in public, and his body reacted to it. Zhengting stared at him lovingly, already knowing what had happened and he just wanted to kiss his adorable cheeks.

“You alright?”

“Of course..”

His voice was shaking, it felt like everyone was staring at him with disgust. Why did he find it so hot?

“Here, have some of mine.”

Zhengting held out a spoon of his cotton candy ice cream, Xukun opened his mouth and savored the sweet taste in his mouth.

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“How was it Kunkun?”

“I.. I loved it.”

Zhengting watched as Xukun bounced up and down on his lap, then grinding his hips against him as he tried to get off through his sweats and Zhengting’s jeans.

“How did you feel when she stared at you?”

“It was embarrassing, but I wanted her to see it. I want her to see me taking your cock, I want her to see me as a fucking slut.”

“Really?”

Xukun was moved onto the bed as he nodded desperately, Zhengting pulling off his stained sweatpants to reveal the dildo vibrating with the prostate massager next to it, shoved deeply inside him. He whined loudly when he slowly removed both, breathing out a wow when he easily slid three fingers into his hole. Xukun pulled his sweater up to his lips, spreading his legs wider for an easy opening.

“Is it okay if anyone were to see you?”

“Anyone, even your ex model, I don’t care.”

“Lucky you then.”

The moment Zhengting pulled him closer to reach his cock, Yanjun walked out of the corner of the hallway, he walked towards the seat at the kitchen table to pull out and sit on. Xukun suddenly felt his body start to shake, and heat settle in his stomach as if he had eaten something or Zhengting put the beads in him with the temperature set as hot. Then groaned when he entered him, it felt so much different to know someone was _watching_ him be used by him, especially someone Zhengting is awfully familiar with. He wasn’t angry like he thought the person he was a few hours ago would be, he was only aroused more. He thought Yanjun would laugh at him, or do something to make him feel even more disgusted with himself but he let Xukun watch as he remove his dick from his pants, getting started by spitting on his hand and stroking himself.

“Look Xukun, he’s getting off because of you.”

“I’m– ugh, I’m happy.”

“How shameless, you made him feel all hot and bothered. You’re not going to help him out?”

“I can?”

“What do you think you have a mouth for?”

Xukun stopped biting down on his sweater, trying to speak but his voice either cracking or a moan interrupting his word with each thrust.

“Yanjun, ah, p.. please. Come, put your dick in my mouth right now, in my mouth in my mouth– agh! Please..”

He could tell just by his dick, face, and personality Yanjun owns that anyone would be willing to spread their legs for him. Boy or girl. He didn’t care if he would be teased later for this, at the moment it was almost like he was in a trance. He would do whatever Zhengting wanted. Yanjun hummed as he stood up from his seat, walking near the bed and setting himself on his knees at the edge. Xukun lifted his head off the bed to try to get him in his mouth, only for him to be shoved back down by a hand on his chest. ‘Not yet’ is what he whispered while kicking off his pants to the ground. He grabbed his chin and forced him to turn his head to where he was.

“You want it in your mouth you said? Why should I let you have it?”

“I can make you feel good, what other reason is there?”

“With that attitude it’s not convincing. I’ll just use your throat, yea?”

Yanjun moved to hover over him, with his hand grasping the sheet so he obviously wouldn’t crush him. He used his hair to pull him up, before Xukun could speak or decline there was a cock hitting the back of his throat. Immediately it burned and he gagged brutally with tears filling his eyes. Yanjun pulled out so he could watch him cough and sniffle, before entering more smoothly with considerate intentions.

“Zhengting, pass me the camera, hm?”

Zhengting stopped moving to reach the camera on the bedside table, a whine leaving Xukun’s throat then a strangled moan once Yanjun received the camera and he slammed his hips against his skin once again. Yanjun spoke to him softly as he rose the camera.

“You look so pretty, so so pretty especially when you cry. Zhengting picked out such a beauty, didn’t he? Such an adorable cock whore.”

Xukun hummed around him contently from his compliments.

“Give me a smile.”

Xukun tried his best to, winking at the camera to charm whoever would look at it, Yanjun grinned as he took the picture.

“Good boy.”

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Yanjun and Zhengting took turns for using his hole and mouth, it was completely tiring after considering they were both hyper nineteen year olds but when you’re the one being used as the toy it’s overwhelming. He was left spread across the bed, cum splattering his stomach and thighs and breathless. The taste of them in his mouth, his throat and lips sore from kisses or their cock. Xukun was used as a pretty sex toy, probably seen as one by Yanjun but when he saw Zhengting come back after bidding Yanjun goodbye and help him in the bath, he realized something. His naked back against Zhengting’s chest as he peppered kisses on his head and the back of his neck, he realized something. When Zhengting rubbed the shampoo in his hair after telling him to close his eyes so he won’t get it in his eyes, he realized something. Drying his hair with a towel, laughing in embarrassment when Xukun wouldn’t stop staring at him, he realized something. Could he.. like Zhengting? Or possibly love him?

_”You useless suicidal freak.”_

Xukun flinched, not registering he had just slapped Zhengting’s hand away from his shoulder. Zhengting looked at him startled from the sudden attack, until he heard his name slip past his lips.

“O.. oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to– I’m so sorry did I upset you? Are you mad?”

“What? No, it was an accident. It’s okay.”

“Oh, alright. Sorry.”

Zhengting blinked then he looked off to the side, before he smiled sheepishly.

“I should be sorry, you did a lot for me today. I even embarrassed you at the ice cream shop, I hope I didn’t over do it.”

“No you didn’t, I enjoyed today. I loved it.”

“I’m glad!”

Xukun didn’t look at him for a moment, but the relieved tone in his voice brought himself to look at him. Why did he have such a beautiful smile? The way his eyes crinkled, and the lamp lit a golden light in his eyes he didn’t want to ever look away from. No, he couldn’t think of him like this. This was his job, he was his photographer and him his model.

“Please leave.”

“Huh?”

His smile fell when he heard his whisper, he thought he misheard, but Xukun stayed quiet for a few seconds too long.

“Did I overstay myself?”

“Zhengting just leave.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

Zhengting’s eyesbrows drew together in worry and confusion, wasn’t he fine just a second ago?

“I already said leave.”

“Xukun, was it something I said? If you didn’t like something about today just by a little bit I can stop! Tell me what I did.”

“Get the fuck out I said!!”

Xukun suddenly yelled, why wasn’t he looking at him? He wanted to see his face, to see why he was angry or upset, but maybe this time it was best to leave. Zhengting pressed his lips together in a line, his face contorted into disappointment and a gloomy state. Xukun didn’t dare to look at his face, he knew he would regret it and ask for him to stay, begging for his forgiveness. The second he heard his steps go farther and the door close, his eyes began to flood with tears but he fought back by rubbing them away with his wrists. They came back though each time, and each time they pushed forward until they were slipping down to where Xukun was forced to give up and let the tears glide down his cheeks. Then he heard his phone vibrate.

 _zhengting_  
hi kunkun, i hope you feel better by tomorrow. i’m sorry if i upset you in any way, when you want to, please tell me what i did so i won’t do it again. i don’t want to make you angry or sad, i only want you happy, i’m here for you. but it will always be your choice if you want to tell me. so, text me when you want to talk. i know you don’t like calling. sleep well ♡

Then there was another.

 _oldie rui_  
this is really random, but i just had tingly feeling. are you okay?

 _xukun_  
never felt better

 _oldie rui_  
i’m coming over

Xukun was staring at the message Zhengting sent without opening it so he wouldn’t know he read it. Then his door opened, and shut. He heard footsteps until Rui came into view, who was wearing his pjs and his hair still seemed to be damp from a shower.

“What happened. Who hurt you. Who is going to stop breathing tonight.”

“Rui, it’s really nothing, you didn’t have to come over.”

“When it’s ‘really nothing’ you tell me over text. But you didn’t bother, so what happened?”

“No one hurt me, I just.. I probably hurt someone.”

Rui sat next to him, before he laid down so he could be more comfortable. Xukun always wondered about those ‘tingly’ feelings, he frequently had those when he was really upset and would text him whenever he had those.

“Was it Zhengting?”

“.. Yea.”

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to.”

“But–“

“Maybe you were trying to protect yourself, but by mistake you hurt someone in the process. This stuff happens Xukun, you shouldn’t always blame yourself.”

Xukun sighed. How did Rui know everything he was feeling? It wasn’t a bad thing, sometimes it was annoying but times like this is when Xukun knows Rui really does know and care about him. Are old people always sweet? He felt the other poke him with his foot.

“Are you thinking badly about me?”

“Of course not, just thinking about how I appreciate having you as a friend.”

It was partially true. Rui’s eyes narrowed, before they relaxed and he closed his eyes.

“I’m predicting this but I’m probably right. Zhengting is a nice guy, a _really_ nice guy. He must know that you didn’t mean what you did if you had an outburst of him, but again nice guys usually overthink things. Let me ask you this,”

Rui sat up for this one so he could look Xukun in the eye, so he would tell if he was lying or not.

“Do you like Zhengting?”

“No–“

“Don’t even think of lying.”

Xukun stopped his sentence, before his face fell in his hands.

“I think I do.”

“Woohoo! Then this makes it better! You have to tell him.”

Rui suddenly became serious, Xukun already knew what he was talking about and immediately shook his head.

“No no, I can’t.”

“If you like him he probably likes you back!”

“Rui, like you said he’s a nice guy! What if I’m mistaking his kindness, and I’m just blurting out my trauma with relationships to him and he’s awkward about it? I won’t be able to face him again..”

“Xukun.”

Rui took his hand, turning his body so he was facing him with his legs criss crossed and he swallowed his one hand with both of his. He stared directly into his eyes, so Xukun could know he was speaking the truth and nothing else.

“I was with you. I was there with you when it all happened, but avoiding relationships because a shitty past one won’t help. You can think it helped the years after, but you’ll become lonely. You can’t reject the people who you like and like you back just because you’re afraid. It’s hard, but Zhengting is careful with you. I never liked that last guy to begin with, but with Zhengting? You could be happy. He can be your other half, your final puzzle piece, your star to your sky.”

“Rui you’re getting us both emotional it’s really gross.”

“I know I am! I already feel the tears, it’s gross I’m sappy!”

Xukun laughed when Rui held a finger up to his eye which was beginning to become glossy.

“The point is, you have a complicated picture of fake and real love is. You have the fear of having another toxic relationship, but by holding back and pushing the ones you love away you are losing the chance of having an entire new picture. Resisting won’t help Kun, it’ll hurt you more than trying.”

“Is that true?”

“For this situation, yes. But for others it’s not like that, so take the chance.”

The other sighed, Rui chuckled softly.

“So, you can’t whore around!”

“I’ve never done that! That’s you!”

“Hey!! I’m taking Yanchen seriously if you didn’t know.”

Rui pointed a finger at him offensively, Xukun smiling in response and nodded with a playful roll of his eyes.

“I’m serious though, being unhappy and living with it comfortably is.. it’s a life not worth. I want to see you happy, no matter what, I’d do anything to make you happy. I would jump off a cliff, cut off my left leg, stop eating _meat_ whatever it takes. I know I’m joking a bit, but I really care about you Kun. That includes your happiness. So _please_ put effort into Zhengting, don’t give up if he feels the same.”

“I.. I won’t.”

He could hear the hesitation in his voice, but he understood why he was nervous. He knew Xukun would have to tell him what happened to him in the past, and it would hurt if Zhengting didn’t give him the reaction he desperately desired. Rui believed in him, and in Zhengting, he could make him happy. They could make each other happy. The stress and anxiety that came with the topic of relationships will pass if it goes well. That’s all Rui could possibly want.

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 _xukun_  
zhengting, are you busy?

zhengting  
yes actually i’m with yanjun

Xukun immediately called him, it took a few seconds but Zhengting answered.

“Why are you with Yanjun?”

“I.. I thought you guys were on okay terms.”

“Sex and an actual relationship is different.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.”

Then he heard Yanjun’s voice.

“Who are you talking to? I’m trying to have a discussion with you if you haven’t noticed.”

“Zhengting what’s going on?”

Zhengting murmured words to Yanjun Xukun was unable to catch over the phone, but he was already starting to get angry just fifteen seconds into the call.

“We’re just talking about something.”

“Are you having the model debate again?”

“What? No no! Xukun I already said we won’t include him,”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“.. I can’t say.”

“You’re probably talking about the model shit again aren’t you? Stop lying.”

“I’m not lying!”

He could hear Yanjun muttering in the background, something along the words with his name and annoying. Obviously he assumed the worst. He really was too kind enough last night to let him use his ass and both for himself.

“Whatever, I don’t care. He can be your model, I really couldn’t give a crap about your photos.”

“Kun pl–“

He ended the call before he could explain himself, only for him to text him right away.

 _zhengting_  
xukun please let me explain, i want to talk to you

 _zhengting_  
it’s not what it seems

 _xukun_  
i don’t care

 _xukun_  
you can do whatever you want and i can do whatever i want

 _zhengting_  
xukun.

He attempted to call him, only for each time he declined him until he became annoyed and blocked him. He would’ve shut his phone off, but he had to make a call. Was Zhengting really that careless about him?

Xukun scrolled not too long in his contacts to find the name he was searching for. Was his soft touch and sweet words nothing, or was he too caught up in his own self-doubt?

“Hello?”

It didn’t matter, all he wanted was to feel something other than his feelings. Something good.

“...”

“Kun baby?”

His tongue jabbed at the inside of his left right cheek from the sound of his voice, the man on the other side smiled from hearing Xukun take in air sharply.

“I know you’re there, use your words, yes?”

“H.. hi Chengcheng.”

“Name it.”

“I want to feel good..”

“Anything for you.”

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“You haven’t called me in a while Xukun.”

Instead of a response with words, the other quivered and sighed shakily as Chengcheng trailed his fingers down his inner thighs.

“Why is that?”

“I.. I don’t know.”

“I’m sure you do.”

Feeling the connection of his lips to his skin, he jumped and gripped onto his knees, digging his nails as his tongue edged closer to his dick.

“Stop talking.”

Xukun placed his arms over his eyes, so Chengcheng wouldn’t be able to look at him, as if he wanted to look when he was focused on his body. He received a hum at first, then could feel his stare on him, he was reading him like he was an open book. He knew he could tell something was wrong, but when did feeling ever become involved in sex? Right, Zhengting involved them. Not Chengcheng though, so he wouldn’t expect to hear something concerning out of him. Something like, _do you want me to keep going? Are you upset? Should I stop? Want to talk about it_ Xukun would reject him every time. He didn’t want himself to be considered, there was no point to, and Chengcheng understood that. So right now, why was he hating him for it? Was he expecting too much due to the way Zhengting treated him? Where was Zhengting?

“Ugh..”

He grunted when Chengcheng bit him, it was close so he whimpered when the pain went straight to his dick, but wanted more so he endured it. He trembled in his touch, his hands gripping his thighs with his head between his legs, biting into his soft skin until he nearly bled. Nearly. Chengcheng wasn’t a fan of blood, but if a partner begged there was a chance he would give it to them. His sweats were removed, a zipper being pulled down, then he heard him shuffle forward while his head was drifted to the side. Why was he thinking about Zhengting at a time like this? This really was a crappy day. Xukun caught eyes with Chengcheng when he was suddenly grabbed by the chin, then his lips were against his. He knew he didn’t like kissing, why was he doing it, hell it didn’t even matter. So Xukun let him, but felt his heart beating faster. He was so anxious, and he couldn’t figure out why. He just wanted to yell out for Zhengting, and he couldn’t understand why. He wanted to be kissing _Zhengting_ instead, he didn’t want to know why. Then a muffled name, that was not Chengcheng’s, bounced off his tongue muffled.

“Zhengting..”

Xukun froze when Chengcheng was suddenly shoved off of him, then the cold air hit his widened eyes once he saw Zhengting jumped onto the bed, and Chengcheng who was now on the floor. He couldn’t do anything other than watch the two fight, until he winced when he saw Chengcheng land a good one on him.

“Hey!!–“

There was no need for his shout, Zhengting grabbed Chengcheng by the hair and arm, dragging him to the hallway until Xukun lost sight of them. He quickly pulled on his sweats as soon as he heard the front door close, and the sounds of his footsteps. There was a single bang on the door, Chengcheng was too pissed off and left after that. Xukun held onto his sweater up to his lips tightly, what was he supposed to say? What will he see in his eyes, disgust? Will he be mad? He felt his presence in front of him, he could see in the corner of his eyes his clenched fists. There was blood, his knuckles scraped. Finally he lifted his head, and was startled to see the expression on his face. His face twisted, his lips as a strong frown, but what surprised him the most was how many tears were leaving his eyes so quickly, he thought it was a never-ending waterfall he’ll never see the finale of.

“How could you be so mean?!”

Xukun’s mouth opened, but there were no words. Zhengting desperately wiped the ends of his eyes as he spoke, his voice was shaky and a moderate volume that occasionally became louder at one point in his words due to his distress.

“Y.. you’re so mean. You know I like you, so why do you keep going around asking other men to be with you?! When.. when I’m right in front of you, screaming at you, but you can’t hear me. You won’t even look at me. You just.. you just think about yourself unless it’s sex, but when it comes to my feelings you don’t think _once_ about it! If you see me suffering, why can’t you tell me you don’t like me back already and get it over with?! Stop accusing me of wanting Yanjun when I don’t, it hurts! It hurts when you’re throwing everything in my face, I was with Yanjun today because I didn’t know if I should confess to you or not. He.. I don’t like him, I like you dammit. I like you, I think I even love you. Tell me you hate me already, tell me you don’t want to see my face ever again and throw me out.”

“...”

“Tell me you fucking hate me!! Say you hate me, you hate me I know you do..”

Zhengting had already fallen to his knees, bent over as he cried relentlessly. This has been stressing him out since the beginning, he couldn’t sleep at night due to the anxiety he felt about Xukun and how he viewed him.

He reminded him.. of how he used to be.

“I don’t hate you.”

Someone desperately clinging onto love, but Zhengting was better. Chose a better person, and a way of handling it instead of letting it wallow in the dark.

“I don’t hate you, I’m afraid you’ll hate me.”

“I would never, why would you think that?”

Zhengting relaxed the side of his head on the edge of the bed while he sat on the ground, his shoulders shaking and his hiccups knocking his body into a jolt. He cried so intensely, the leftover tears continued to taint the bed until there was a stain. He was still upset, his body was already overworked and he needed time to relax. Xukun picked at the sheet he sat on. There was really no chance of avoiding it.

“It sucks Xukun, it sucks being left on a thread. With every long silence you give me, I feel like I made you mad or upset with me in some way. It feels like shit not knowing what’s going on inside your head, and what you’re feeling. Not just about me, but your feelings along with emotions. But.. of course if you don’t want to open up, I can leave right now.”

“Let me tell you already before I have a mental breakdown.”

Xukun sighed, but Zhengting nodded solemnly.

 _My last relationship wasn’t stable._  
He wasn’t entirely sure if it should be considered a relationship at all, but at the time, Xukun being new to love he thought it was best to hold on. What he didn’t know was with some relationships it’s better, it’s recommended, it’s encouraged to let go. It didn’t happen soothly for him. It happened more like a rockslide that he was forced to roll with the rocks, hitting sharp edges and landing roughly on certain areas. Then when there is a smooth platform to relax on, another rock comes by, smashing into your backside and launching you back into the cycle.

“Where did you even meet this guy?”

“I bumped into him in the morning around a few months ago.”

Rui pursed his lips. He saw the shy smile on Xukun’s face, he really liked the guy didn’t he? Why did he have an off feeling though, when he first saw him, something felt wrong. Of course, it wasn’t right for a friend to just _barge_ into someone’s love life based off just a hunch. So he didn’t say anything, and only listened to his young friend have the brightest smile on his face as he talked about ****. He assumed that as a very close friend, he would doubt probably almost everyone Xukun dates on the first glance just because it was an instinct and defending mechanism. It wasn’t personal, well it kinda was but Rui wanted only the best for him, and would love to see him happy with someone in a romantic way, so until that burden in his head goes away he’ll simply have to be careful around the man he was head over heels in love with.

“I see you like him very much Kunkun.”

“Yes!”

Rui sighed, then smiled sheepishly from the sight of hearts in his eyes whenever he spoke about the fellow. Maybe Xukun just saw something he didn’t, he knew him more than he did so he was probably wrong. Though his hunches were usually right, he’ll ignore it and let time flow as it is.

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“Xukun.. calm down. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.”

“What if it isn’t, I’m not blind, am I? I swear, I saw him with another man. Rui tell me it didn’t happen.”

Rui jumped back when Xukun suddenly grabbed onto him, tears falling from his eyes while his knuckles bloomed white. Surely, it must be a misunderstanding, he didn’t see it but he knew how much Xukun loved him, and **** probably does too. So why would he do such a thing? Rui slowly removed his hands from his shirt, letting one of them go so he was able to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

“It didn’t happen. Oldie Rui says it didn’t happen, so it didn’t happen, okay? I’m sure your eyes were deceiving you, it’s alright Xukun.”

He helped steady his breathing while wiping the tears and snot off his face with a tissue, then tossing it into the bin. Xukun stared at him with his eyes red from crying, sniffling and rubbed away a tear with his wrist.

“Really?”

“Of course. Now, never cry again! I hate seeing you cry, you know.”

“Yea, sorry. I’ll try not to, you know I’m a crybaby.”

“Yes I do.”

Rui gently pressed his fist against Xukun’s cheek, pretending to punch him only for his hand to be grabbed, then he was pulled forward onto the bed. Hearing his sweet laughter at the time, he must have took it for granted.

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“Rui?”

“Xukun? It’s 2am.”

“Can you help me clean something?”

“Ah, you’re such a kid.”

“Please?”

Rui wondered why he sounded so desperate, it made him curious so he didn’t have a hard time saying yes.

“Rui, did you know it really hurts at first?”

He stopped pulling on his shoe.

“Xukun, what did you just say?”

“Never mind.”

Rui arrived faster than he ever has, why did Xukun sound so.. childlike, it was terrifying, and vague. What was he talking about? When Rui entered the house, it was extremely quiet, he thought he would hear the faint sounds of talking or maybe Xukun’s loud laughter.. but nothing. Was his boyfriend home? Walking up the stairs felt like within each step added more weight onto him, then finally made it to the top and walked towards the room Xukun and the other shared. His knuckles tapped against the door.

“I’m here. What did you need–“

Xukun looked up at him once he entered, there were dry tears on his face that were hardly visible perhaps from the amount of time passing but he looked at him with a proud smile. But Rui felt like something just knocked him in the side of the head.

“He left as soon as he finished, and I don’t know how to clean it up so I thought you would.”

Xukun spread his fingers apart, something white sticky connecting them then he wiped them on the covers. He was sitting on the bed with only a white button up shirt on, nearly half of the buttons gone with his chest exposed while he sat in a small puddle of _cum._

“Kun.. what happened?”

“He said he wanted to try it out.. why are you looking at me like that?”

“Wh.. you’re only eighteen.”

“What?”

“I’ll get the rag.”

God, someone please hit him with a metal bat already.

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Rui assumed he was overreacting, Xukun’s legal and so is his boyfriend, it’s not like he was his dad to boss him around and tell him what to do and the whatnots. But after that, the hunch grew and it was like weights pulling him to the ground. It simply didn’t feel right for him.

“Rui, why are you thinking so hard? I asked if you wanted a piece of bread with your coffee.”

“What? Oh, no I don’t, thank you.”

“You’re acting strange, is something wrong?”

Xukun sipped his iced coffee while waiting for his response, then felt relieved to see Rui smile at him.

“It’s nothing.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

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Rui barged through the door, the lock on it popping off but Xukun didn’t look up, where he sat on the couch with his face in his hands.

“What did he do, what else did he do?”

There was no answer until Rui stood in front of him then harshly grabbed one of his hands, pulling it away from his face.

“What the hell did he do to you?! Look at me!”

Xukun’s hand trembled in his, then he finally lifted his head with his gaze drawn to the right. Rui let go of his hand, it now hovering over his mouth as he stared at the bruise on his cheek with blood leaking from his nose.

“I’m killing him.”

“Rui!”

Xukun stopped him before he could leave, Rui turning to him with an inexpressive face, then his voice quiet in disbelief.

“Really? He can hit you and force you into sex whenever he wants, but you don’t want him to have any backlash for it? Xukun this isn’t right he’s going to keep doing it–“

“No he won’t! He was drunk okay! And I give him consent for my body, don’t say such a thing.”

“Didn’t seem so when he ripped your shirt apart!”

“This isn’t your relationship!”

“I don’t give a fuck you’re my friend!!”

“Get out!”

Rui was startled by his shout, then a laugh left his lips then he shook his head.

“Are you serious? Or what?”

“I’ll.. I’ll call the cops.”

“Do it! No, really do it so they can see how your ‘boyfriend’ treats you! Call them!”

Xukun was beginning to tear up, his lips quivering with the unpleasant taste of blood in his mouth. He didn’t think of that.

“No..”

“Xukun, call them.”

“I said no!”

“You’re gonna end up _dead_ because of him!!”

“That isn’t any of your business!”

“I know more about what this situation than you do!”

“Liar! What do you know, all you do is sleep around but get angry with _me_ when I have my first time with someone I love. I’m not the one acting like a whore!”

His eyes were shut while he yelled with his fists clenched by his sides.

“.. So I’m a whore now.”

He was shouting things he didn’t mean, so when he heard Rui’s soft voice and his tightly closed eyes opened, he saw the disappointment and sadness on his face. And it was at him.

“Rui..”

“No, you know what, you’re right. It’s not my goddamn business, nor my relationship as you can see. Of course, I wouldn’t know, I’m just a slut! When you come to your senses give me a call, otherwise stop texting me.”

Hearing Rui’s cold voice encouraged more tears to leave his eyes, there was a moment of hope when he saw Rui’s expression soften when he continued to stare at him but he turned his back to him. Xukun watched as the other walked around the couch, then left out the front door. He didn’t mean to say something that clearly wasn’t true, he was just angry that Rui was telling him what to do. But he didn’t intend on hurting him.

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The brown haired shivered in the cold, rubbing his shoulders as he walked down the sidewalk. He had just walked to buy some coffee, but it turns out it was closed due to the amount of snow.

“What a waste.”

It had already been nearly two weeks since he last contacted Xukun, which was on the day they had a quarrel and neither of them had associated in any way. He knew he didn’t leave the house as often as he used to, since that relationship of his started he has stayed in the house doing practically nothing while his boyfriend was out doing who knows what. Rui sighed, his hands dropping after he adjusted his bun. He was close to Xukun’s house, it was on the way back to his apartment. Well, it wasn’t his house, his boyfriend insisted he move into his fancy-shmancy house after they got together. Some of Xukun’s stuff were still in his own apartment though, he brought over the main necessities before he was put under lockdown. Of course, Rui never appoved of the relationship, Xukun was too innocent and naïve for his own good. He simply wished he understood this wasn’t real love, love was so much better than this.

_I wanna touch you big booty girl_

Rui stopped walking, flinching when the song continued to play and quickly took out his phone. It was his ringtone for Xukun, that they both had as each others contact. He answered after a few seconds, he didn’t want to seem too eager for his call.

_Call the fire truck–_

“Hello?”

“Hi Rui.”

“.. What’s up?”

There was tension, the few seconds when Rui didn’t try to continue the conversation made him want to jump off a cliff. It was so awkward.

“I’m sorry for calling you that name, I never meant it. You’re my best friend, my only friend I think, I love you a lot you know?”

“What’s with this, out of the blue,”

“I wish I didn’t disappoint you so much.”

“Xukun shut up.”

“I’m gonna miss you the most.”

The heel of Rui’s shoe scratched against the concrete as he turned then ran the opposite direction where Xukun’s house was.

“Stay on the phone with me alright!”

“Okay, I’ll put it on the counter. I need to use two hands.”

Rui cursed consistently to himself as he ran up to the front door, but it was locked and he desperately tried to turn the knob.

“Xukun open the door.”

“I can’t.”

“Fuck.”

He hopped the fence, running around the back invading a person’s backyard before jumping into Xukun’s, then to the sliding door. It was locked too. Rui sighed, knowing Xukun wasn’t willing to open the door and continued to slam his fist into the glass, there was only a slight crack. He looked around for anything, and found a chair, throwing it into the door.

“Rui, what are you doing?”

“It’s alright, don’t worry.”

When it was close to breaking down, he dropped the chair and repetitively banged his fists against the glass, the shattering startling a Xukun from upstairs. Rui finally stepped in, stepping onto the glass as he panted, taking a look at his bloody knuckles. He didn’t have time to get his breath back, and ran up the stairs, instantly opening Xukun’s bedroom door. Not in sight. Rui heard a clang type of sound from further down, and continued to walk until he heard the sound of huffing. Rui burst into the bathroom, finding his friend sitting on the toilet seat with his hand up to his mouth and an orangle pill bottle nearly empty in the other.

“Hey!!”

Xukun nearly choked on the pills he just swallowed, then turned to Rui who was suddenly in his face, knocking him to the ground. The rest of the pills scattered on the floor, Rui held his body up to his chest then shoved two fingers into his mouth.

“Rui–“

As a result, he coughed out the pills from the feeling of something shoved in his throat, Rui pulled his hand back and rose the toilet seat. He adjusted him so he now continued to throw up, his stomach feeling emptier than before then collapsed next to the toilet. Rui leaned against the counter, letting out a huge sigh of relief, then a hand covered his face. Did this really happen? Was he dreaming? Xukun’s eyes stared at the wall, a disgusting taste in his mouth and his body in a weak state. Rui helped him sit up, letting him lean against his chest, the smell was revolting but he could hold it in.

“Rui, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re here, okay?”

Rui wiped Xukun’s tears, and Xukun wiped his.

“I’ll help you move back home.”

“Thank you, I love you Rui..”

“I love you too.”

 

“After that, I moved back into my apartment. I received a few calls from him the first few weeks, but it’s been nearly two years and haven’t heard of him since. Maybe he’s in jail?”

Xukun guessed with a shrug, his eyes staring up at the ceiling in thought before he looked back at Zhengting who was busy crying his eyes out. Yet managed to ask a question, concerning his well-being, what else did he expect?

“What happened to you after that?”

“Well, like I said I moved back here. Uh, Rui didn’t like the thought I started to smoke but he couldn’t really stop me. I haven’t been in a relationship since, just been out in Rui’s bar most of the time. He says I can only go to his so he can keep watch on me. I’m grateful for him, I am.”

Zhengting sniffled while his hand searched through Xukun’s drawers to find a tissue to blow his stuffed nose.

“I’m sorry, I never knew. I never meant to pressure you I understand if you don’t–“

Xukun shoved the tissue on the entrance of his nostrils, then he pressed his lips against his. Zhengting would find this more pleasing if he could, you know, maybe breathe. So he pulled back rather quick, but continued to hold the tissue and cover his mouth with his other hand. Xukun allowed him to blow his nose, then smiled gently when he noticed the embarrassment on his face.

“Please don’t say such things. You are allowed to be upset and let your feelings out, I’m glad you were able to tell me everything.”

“Most of it..”

Hearing him mumble, he knew he didn’t intend for his ears to catch it but they did.

“Tell me the rest then.”

“But–“

“I’m not telling you to keep shouting at me. What else upset you?”

Zhengting’s lips shut, his eyes blinking down at the tissue before tossing it in the bin and nodding, Xukun’s sweet smile directed at him felt so different. He usually only saw anger, irritation, lust-filled, or.. nothing when Xukun looked at him, like he didn’t mean anything. So when he saw a never before seen smile on him, he wanted to burst into tears once again. Was that for him? All for him? That smile he’s been wanting for so long? His causing?

“I.. I don’t like when you say use me. It’s like I would be treating you as if you’re a rag doll, but you’re not. To put it simply, I want to treat you like the most precious thing in the world. Yes, I’m kinda sadistic but afterwards I always want to kiss you in the places that hurt. But.. if I ever said that, or did that without asking, I knew I would never see you again. You told me never to kiss you afterall, it’s difficult.”

“What else?”

“If something is too much, please tell me. If I ever have an idea, and you don’t like it, always inform me and I won’t do it. I feel like I pressure you.”

“You have never pressured me.”

“Okay.. and never talk to that guy again. He seems sketchy and I don’t lik anything about that. Do you just have random people in you contacts that you sometimes call?”

“Yes.”

“Delete them..”

Xukun laughed, but continued to nod along with his request, he usually never contacted them unless he was upset. Zhengting never thought, in a million years, Xukun would be staring at him so lovingly, so focused on each word and syllable that left his mouth. He was obsessed with it.

“Anything else?”

“If you have a problem, with anything, or anyone, tell me. I want you happy, I want that smile on your face to stay as much as it can. Until your muscles get sore and it hurts. What I like more than anything, no, what I love,”

Xukun was startled by Zhengting’s hand suddenly grasping the sheets near his thigh, and his body hovering over him he nearly laughed due to nervousness. Hell, he hasn’t had this much anxiety in nearly two years, well they were basically confessing their love for each other. Anyone would be anxious. His hand enveloped his left cheek, his thumb tucked behind his ear and pinky beneath his jaw, before his eyes were back at Zhengting who gently placed his forehead against his. The corners of his eyes crinkled, his beautiful pink lips curved into the widest smile he has seen from him so far. He talked so much about his, so why hasn’t Xukun ever bothered to look at his? They were gorgeous. Before he knew it, those lips he came to adore were pressed against his with so much passion and love he thought he would burst with tenderness and warmth he never knew he sought for for so long.

“What I love is seeing you in my arms, it feels almost like a dream or a hallucination. How could you possibly be so easy on the eye, are you real?”

The real question was, is he real? Xukun smiled, pressing his forehead with his own once again.

“If you say you’re real, I’m as real as I can be.”

“Wait, I didn’t even ask and I kissed you.”

Zhengting’s hands loosened on him, but he made sure by placing his own over his that they would remain, then he laughed.

“I kissed you first, I guess it makes this more awkward, right?”

“I don’t want it to be.”

Hearing his whining voice in a way and his lips go pouty made his heart leap, his laughter filling the room was too much. All the love in his heart for him was coming out all at once, and for Zhengting to be so cute was forcing him to overflow. He rolled onto his side, covering his face.

“Ah, why are you laughing?! I’m embarrassed!”

“Okay okay,”

Xukun helped himself up, sniffing and a few chuckles leaving his lips as he took Zhengting’s hand, bringing it up to his lips. He pressed a small kiss against his knuckles.

“There, can you be my boyfriend?”

The sound of hin screaming and jumping onto the bed on his stomach wasn’t too shocking.

“You’re too bold!”

“How else do you want me to do it?”

“Let me do it.”

He was pulled down to lay back down on the bed, with their bodies facing either other and their eyes meeting as familiars.

“Every morning, on the day we were scheduled to meet up, I would always smile. I’d be so happy. I would think, I get to see him again! When I wait at the café and see you walking, I’m grateful you decided not to abandon me. When you sit, and the conversation starts, it reassures me to know you’re staying. When you have your phone on the table, instead of paying attention to it you’re looking at me as I talk. Sometimes you look bored, but I ask myself, why is he listening otherwise? The days where you told me you’re busy, it felt so empty, so incomplete. It’s when I realized, I really do love you Kun!”

Xukun had never felt like this, it was much more real, like no pressure were thrown onto his shoulders and tied to his ankles. Hearing those words from him he couldn’t hear was something he made out to be bliss.

“In all my life, I never believed I’d be able to find comfort like this, love like this, a person like you. A person where I want to stare at until my eyes are tearful. But I don’t want to continue staring at you knowing you’re not mine.”

“Then I’m yours and you mine.”

“Is it so easy for you to reverse time and have me fall in love all over again?”

“Maybe so.”

The kiss was soft, their lips caressing the others like hands on his cheek or back, it was light and sweet when their eyes met once more, it dawned on them. This was their first kiss, and eyes taking in the sight of theirs as lovers.

“I love you, I don’t think I can say it enough.”

“And I don’t think I’ll get sick of it of you saying it over and over. I love you too.”

 

The next morning Zhengting found himself in his own apartment, and he quickly sat up with a gasp.

_Tell me it wasn’t a dream. Tell me it wasn’t a dream._

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and his screen instantly lit up where there was a few texts.

 _xukun_  
how did I become so lucky?

 _xukun_  
come to the café so I can show you off

 _xukun_  
rui wants to see you too!!

Zhengting collapsed on the bed, a sigh of relief leaving him with his hand over his eyes, before he began to laugh. It really wasn’t a dream, this is reality. A beautiful reality he never thought he would be able to see.

 

“Good morning.”

Xukun turned around in his seat then shifted again once he saw Zhengting by his side, reaching his arms out to him with an excited expression and smile.

“Morning, did you sleep well?”

“I was too happy to sleep.”

“Ah, I asked if you slept!”

Zhengting nodded once Xukun gently tapped him on the head with his fist.

“Yes, like a bear.”

“God you guys are so disgusting already. I love it.”

Rui walked from behind the front counter to greet them, nearly tripped over his own feet when he had to practically jump over.

“This must be the first time we properly meet, Xukun never wanted me to engage any conversations with you or anything. I don’t know why..”

“Because I knew you would embarrass me, and act like you’re my parent.”

“I basically am aren’t I?”

“I’m buying a muffin and using your salary.”

Xukun stood up and walked past him, Rui giving no complaints whatsoever but a lingering smile was on his face. Zhengting thought he would stick his foot out and have him trip or something related to that. Though he seemed happy to see Xukun robbing him.

“He’s never used my money, during this whole period of him being alone. Before he did. I guess I have to work more hours then, it’s reassuring you know.”

“Yea, I get it.”

“When you guys were just sex buddies sometimes Xukun would text me complaining about you. He’d say, ah he’s so annoying! Caring and shit. Not exactly that but flatly. Then he would begin to talk more fondly and it was so lovely to see, because he met someone who grinds his gears in a way where he is flustered from it. He knew you cared about him and he was always angry over it because his feelings were encouraged more. He just really loves you, you know.”

“I love him too. I love him a lot. I’d live and die for him.”

Zhengting flinched when Rui was suddenly ruffling his hair with both hands while laughing.

“Hey– hey! What are you doing?!”

“You’re so cute! Ah, I’m glad Xukun has you. He’s probably going to be all over you most of the time, he’s always like that. He’s a real kid.”

“Rui!! Come and do your damn job!!”

“Coming.”

Rui gave Zhengting the ‘okay’ sign with his fingers before retreating back to the counter, his boss hitting him over the head for constantly leaving his position with a newbie covering for him. Xukun came back with two muffins, placing one in front of Zhengting then sat himself in his seat.

“He didn’t say anything weird to you, right?”

“Not at all.”

“Good, what happened with your hair?”

“Nothing, can you come a bit closer?”

Xukun lifted up from his seat slightly, leaning over the table only a bit with a questionable expression and words threatening to leave his lips from his strange request.

“What is it?”

“I missed you.”

Zhengting supported himself by placing his hand on the table, before he stood on the bar beneath the chair to set a quick kiss on his lips.

“I love you~”

 

“The manager here is a pussy how could we have gotten kicked out.”

“It wasn’t even a full kiss!”

Rui was laughing from the sight of them being forced out, both of them trying to start an argument and his boss arguing back only for them to be shoved out anyway. Xukun knew later he would be receiving texts that contained laughing memes so he could express his way of saying _HA! Loser!_ So they were in Starbucks instead, a _better_ establishment. They weren’t petty. They sat in the corner so in case there were any more people who had complaints wouldn’t be able to see them. So both of them were currently eating the muffin they had bought from the previous café.

“Next time, let’s just fuck in the restrooms.”

“Xukun, no..”

“They won’t be able to stop us then!”

“Xukun..”

“It’s not like they will pull it out!”

“Okay! We can do it.”

Xukun cheered quietly, his fists in the air shaking before they fell back onto his lap. Then he pursed his lips.

“Speaking of that, I’m hungry.”

“You’re eating– no.”

“Pleasee?”

Zhengting sighed, covering his face after dropping his fork onto the table. Xukun waited a few seconds for him to succumb. Then he sighed again, already knowing the answer.

“Alright.”

“Let’s go!”

“I didn’t finish my muffin!”

Xukun pulled him out of the seat, Zhengting throwing the tip on the table as an apology even though they didn’t buy anything. When the other customers saw two men around the same height, dragging the other out the door they wondered if they were about to fight. If only they knew, it would be the opposite of a fight in Zhengting’s car. The very.. opposite of a fight.

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“We’re never doing car sex _again._ ”

“I agree.”


End file.
